listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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