its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
