He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sorry my hands just texted you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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