i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize