Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
