a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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