Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
