Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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