i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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