i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
