If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
not ubering you a puppy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
