yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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