please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize