yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
