Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
