OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
