i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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