he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
