Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
