And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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