dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
