now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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