Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
