My friends, they love my intelligence
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
