You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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