Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
