i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We are all done wearing pants today
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
