New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
