Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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