I think I won the penis lottery.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
