you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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