4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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