Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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