i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They took my balls.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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