Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
