he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize