Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
