exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
