you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
