then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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