Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Randomize
