I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
