I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
