just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
