I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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