I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
