so that wasnt chicken after all
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
