So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
