so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
