i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
