did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize