his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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