Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
