maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
even my farts smell like vagina
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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