I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize