when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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