I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
