since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
