I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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