I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
