dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
