i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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