i don't like sucking hair
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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