when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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