you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
