mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
