why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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