is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
