Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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