I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize