Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
whose ass print is on the piano?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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