I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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