we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
