How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
