don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
