How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
