Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
