Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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