Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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