Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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