wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
