people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
