just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize