Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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