he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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