I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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