i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
