i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
