please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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