ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
