Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
