Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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