Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
