On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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