I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
